First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
