remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
