fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
