the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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