I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
