I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
