Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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