Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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