Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize