It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
