that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
