he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
