Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I fill condoms, not promises.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
