My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
