i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
