If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
