Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
how drunk are you?
Several
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
