Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize