I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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