Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
