why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
