mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
