There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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