I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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