There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
