Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
