who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
