Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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