just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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