Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
