You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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