It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
