Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Dear god my vagina.
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