I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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