If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
