I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
