I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
