I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
God, I missed his penis.
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