I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
