I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
