I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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