ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
