I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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