Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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