dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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