We're facebook friends in real life
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
