Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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