I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
