Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Someone signed my nipple.
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