Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
