fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
