I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize