he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
