Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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