Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
