you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
