Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
