worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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