Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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