I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
